Anyone who knows me from my art school days knows I’ve lazily thrown together the story of a character I created called Sky Hamster. I came up with the comic strips, refined the character a little, but never really did much with him. I stopped drawing all together after I graduated back in 2007 and concentrated on web design, abandoning the ideas I came up with. I haven’t drawn or doodled anything at all until a year ago. I got a new job in an office with many white boards and co-workers with an appreciation for the absurd so I started drawing again. This Facebook album shows the progression from re-learning how to draw stupid shit up to drawing stupid shit with mediocre but passable skill.
Now to the actual point. I started drawing that damn flying hamster again. Thanks to the people I work with, some other characters were developed as well. We’ve fleshed out some story ideas and I’ve got a lot of story forming in my head. So now to get this shit out there and force myself to start doing something with all of this, here is a portion of what I do when I should really be working:
Some ass hole kid decided to put his pet hamster in the microwave one day but he didn’t leave him in long enough. His cheap ass parents didn’t want to get a good microwave so the low wattage plus the short cook time irradiated the hamster just enough to give him superpowers. The hamster could fly and had super strength (really he was about as strong as a big cat with a healthy appetite).
In a blur of vengeance, the hamster broke through the microwave door and rained blows upon the young child’s skull in the spot that controls motor skills. After ensuring the kid could no longer wipe his own ass or walk through a door un-assisted, the hamster thought long and hard about what to do with his new gift.
Despite ruining a child’s life, he decided to use his powers for good. He was the first in what would be a long line of Sky Hamsters. Each descendent would inherit his power and legacy.
The current Sky Hamster’s real name is Timmy Seedsplitter. The Sky Hamster gene is present in young Timmy but it has weakened slightly from one generation to the next. Once Timmy is of age he must take part in a ritual to kick start the Sky Hamster gene and give him his powers. He is taken to a dumpster behind a Best Buy where hamster druids will attempt to microwave a slightly smaller microwave.
The ritual is a success! Timmy’s powers activate and he is now the next Sky Hamster. The hamster druids die during the ritual. Only a true Sky Hamster can survive the microwaving of a microwave.
Fly Hamster is Timmy’s half brother, Tyrone. Both hamsters have the same mother but only Timmy’s father was a Sky Hamster. Tyrone has no powers at all. Tyrone is jealous of Timmy because of his legendary birthright. He tries to find his own path in life and becomes a hamster pimp. No hamster whores along the east coast operate without the consent of Fly Hamster. He alone runs the east coast hamster prostitution industry.
(I don’t have any drawings of this guy yet. Just picture a hamster with a pimp hat and a luxurious purple coat. Also a cane. Bitches love canes.)
Father to Timmy and stepfather to Tyrone, Rufus is the previous Sky Hamster. He died shortly after Timmy was born due to mysterious cactus related injuries.
(Also no drawings of this guy. I kinda want him to be an alcoholic or a racist southerner. We’ll see…)
Honorabu asian rat people of Georgetanistan (Pronounced George-tan-istan). They are red by honorabu emperor George Tan.
The Georgetanistanians are asian rat hobos. They rive on an isrand made of crashed airpranes duct taped together. They create honorabu machines from random garbage. Most of these are mechanicar dragons and framing trash can robots. And a Gundam.
The eyes of a Georgetanistanian are sranted to hord back their true power. Opening their eyes causes the rerease of ancient power, retting them ascend to godhood temporariry.
After Timmy becomes the honorabu Sky Hamster-san, the Georgetanistanians teach him to fight. They are the ancient protectors of Sky Hamster-san.
He was cursed with the gift of flight. If he ever chose to fly he would never be able to stop or control it. One day he sees a little girl about to be kidnapped and sold to wealthy Japanese businessmen. He must make a decision; does he continue meandering towards them knowing he’ll never get there in time or does he take flight and save the day. He sort of goes for option two. He jumps up and takes to the skies but soars over them. The kidnapper is mystified and doesn’t notice the little girl running away to safety.
He spends the rest of his life slowly flying through the sky completely unable to stop. After a year of aimlessly floating he notices his wife with the neighbor manatee. She moved on and the kids now call him dad. It rains hard that day but not from the clouds, it’s from the sorrowful eyes of a cursed sea cow.
Thrown into an intense depression, his new goal is suicide. He floats onward hoping to bump into something at just the right angle. Maybe it’ll bounce him into a jet engine. Maybe he’ll hover over a military base and they’ll shoot him down. Maybe he’ll float into space. He doesn’t care how it happens it just needs to happen. There is nothing for him in life now.
Ruthless desert plant life. They live to satisfy their baser instincts. They travel from one area to another raping and pillaging. They take what they want when they want. They commit countless atrocities to innocent people and even themselves. Their goal is to bring forth the season of evil. It’s like burning man but so much more evil. When the moon is full and the planets align the cacti go into a murder-rape frenzy.
Types of cacti
Spartans: These are the average cactus soldiers. They are focused on both rape and violence equally.
Biter: These cacti have razor sharp teeth and want to do nothing but bite the shit out of people.
Mutant: Larger cactus monster. They are produced by some freak accident like in-breeding or food allergies. They can grow to the size of small children. Their focus is more on physical violence than rape.